Details and Denials

Discovery

Back to the week I found out about the second life, the trailer skank, and the car. There were many MANY more revelations. Certainly, NONE were offered voluntarily by my husband, and even when confronted with the facts and proof- DENY, DENY, DENY. I remember telling him to stop lying sooooo many times. He was caught. He knew it. I knew it. Now is the time to come clean. I told him to get it all out. Tell me everything now, because the damage is done. If I find out something later that he lied about, (or DIDN’T- according to him) we’re back to square one. He says to me, “It’s not like I set out to hurt you. This wasn’t about you. I didn’t deliberately do any of this to spite you or get back at you for anything. I wasn’t even thinking about you.” Well I KNOW you weren’t thinking about me, dickhead!! That’s a major part of the problem!! Was this some kind of half-assed attempt at an apology? Because I haven’t heard one yet.

I now have emails, receipts, chat logs, all kinds of proof of the money he spent to get her out here from the last trailer park, furnish her new trailer, buy her kids’ school clothes, school pictures, you name it. He’s paying her car payment, and car insurance monthly, out of OUR accounts. The fucking whore’s car insurance is in HIS name!! SERIOUSLY??! He wouldn’t let me put car insurance in my name for MY SON (his reasoning was that our umbrella coverage would go through the roof) but he can put his whore’s insurance in HIS NAME?? I ask/yell, “What happens when this fucking whore wrecks the car?? What then??” His answer, “I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking.” BULLSHIT. This man is always thinking. He’s always ten steps ahead of everyone. I really don’t get any of this at all. He has put everything on the line for this fucking skank. Why?? “I don’t know.”

We both have decent jobs, and make decent money. We also have a bit of money in the bank and investment accounts- most of which I don’t know shit about. That all has to change. I guess my biggest mistake was blindly trusting him. He made me love him, he made me trust him. He never gave me any reasons not to. He really pulled this off. He had me at home and in public… and he had his dirty little secret. Two fucking years. This went on for two years without even so much as a clue. Because he did it all right under my nose. He kept her spare car key in his brief case that sat on my counter or my couch every day. He said “It’s not like I was hiding it. It’s been in my briefcase the whole time.” Really? I said, “How do you think this is helping? Are you saying that it’s ok because there was no secret hiding spot?! Because you didn’t put more effort into hiding it??!! Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!” I was furious.

I found dozens of receipts for online purchases- this also explains why he kept his separate Amazon account- so I wouldn’t see the things he was buying and sending to her. I asked him why the hell he bought all this stuff. His answer- “She needed help. She has nothing. It was Christmas.” I’m like, “WHAT?? Are you SERIOUSLY trying to make me feel sorry for your fucking whore??!! FUCK YOU!!” And I went out to have a cigarette- or four. I tried to just get away from him because I was so angry I was clenching my fists. I knew I was very close to hitting him. But I can’t. I won’t. What does that solve? Sure, it would make me feel better for a minute- but then I would have the guilt to deal with. Nope. Not this time, Satan. I will NOT be made to feel guilty for ANY of this. HE did this to ME. To US.

Every time I would find a new receipt or email I would become more and more enraged. I’d ask him, “what about this?” and I’d get “oh yeah, I forgot about that.” at the MOST. Still, the only emotion I’m seeing is vague regret mixed with irritation. Because he’s tired- he wants to go to bed. This man slept soundly in OUR bed, and has every night since. Why?? “I don’t know.”

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